Teacher: what is the chemical formula of water?
Student: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: what are talking about?
Student: yesterday you said H to O.
Injustice
Teacher: give me an example for injustice
Student: when my father makes mistakes in the homework, the teacher
blames me.
Why late?
Teacher: why are you so late?
Student: I saw the sign in the street that said “SCHOOL-AHEAD GO SLOW!”
What’s your excuse?
Teacher: it’s clear that you haven’t studied your geography, what’s
your excuse?
Student: my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to
wait until it settles down!
True Biologist
There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He
as measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and
says “jump frog, jump!”. The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book:
‘frog with 4 legs jumps 2 feet’.
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiencement. “jump
frog, jump!” he says. The frog manages to jump 1,5 feet. So he writes in his
lab book: ‘frog with 3 legs jumps 1,5 feet’.
He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his
book: ‘frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot’.
He continues and removes yet another leg. ‘jump frog, jump’ and the
frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again: “frog
with one leg jumps 0,5 feet’.
Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and
tells it to jump. “jump frog, jump!”. The frog doesn’t move. “jump frog,
jump!”. Again the frog stays on the line. “come on frog, jump!”. But to no
avail.
The biologist finally writes in his book: ‘frog with no legs goes
deaf’.
Professor and Mrs. Smith
A biology professor was adressing his class wanting to see if they’d
read the assigned text. He asked miss smith to stand. She does.
Professor: Miss Smith,what part of the human body increases ten times
when excited.
Miss Smith blushes and hesitates and giggles.
Professor: Miss smith, please sit down. Miss Jones, please stand and
tell me if you know what part of the human body increases ten times when
excited.
Miss Jones: yes, Professor. It’s the pupil of the eye.
Professor: very good. Thank you miss Jones, you may sit down. Miss
Smith, will you stand again. (she does) I have three things to say to you,
- You have not done your homework.
- You have a very dirty mind.
- You’re in for a big dissappointment.
Three Great Biologists
A trio of biologists were studying fruit flies and attempting to do
microscopic observations. The first put his scalpel to work under the
microscope and began to slice. He successfully chopped the wings off.
The second biologists began to work, and with a bit more effort managed
to slice off the head from the body. Then the third one went to work, but
nothing visible happened.
His two colleagues looked at him in astonishment. “What are you hoing
to cut off?” one of them asked. His response was: “you said to cut the fly, so
this one won’tbe having children any more!”.
No Heart
The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in
radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the
grade.
“You know the self x-ray you took?” asked the professor.
“I do” said then student.
“A fine picture, then why did you give me an F?” asked the student.
“I had no choice” said the professor. “You didn’t put your heart in
it”.
Dangerous Kill
I once worte the word “kill” on a psychology final exam over and
overfor an hour as if I was a lunatic person.
As a result, strangely enough, I got an A on the exam in question.
Final Option
In a high level mathclass a prof gave a final with one question: “Write
a suitable final exam for this class (also supply a key)”.
A student simply repeated the question and added. “If this final exam
is good enough for prof. <insert name of prof>, it’s good enough for me”
